sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
