You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Randomize
