Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
