I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
