There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
