Do you still have your period?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
