Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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