How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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