thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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