I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize