He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
