i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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