I'm passing your future prison.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Bring me that man meat
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
