1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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