What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
