her facebook's as public as her vagina
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
