She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
