I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
