I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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