third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
