This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
