Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize