She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
