How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We are two peas in an std pod
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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