i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
