I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
