who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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