going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
