Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize