so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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