Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize