Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
