just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
