So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
