Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
