I heard we made out
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
