Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
