wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I need to sanitize my soul.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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