She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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