I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
