I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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