what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize