I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
