I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
