i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
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