We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
