2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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