I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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