She said her name was "party"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
