In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
