i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
