Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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