i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Randomize
