Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
