weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
