You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
