She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
