How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I FOUND THE LEGS
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
