Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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