I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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