shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
