my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
