Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
