So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
