HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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