We're facebook friends in real life
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
