FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize