Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
